Become more comfortable receiving feedback by consciously understanding your experience and shifting into a powerful, growth mindset.
Having a growth mindset shows that you believe your talent and abilities can be developed through hard work and feedback / constructive criticism from yourself and others. You may notice, in moments of your life when you're navigating from a growth mindset you tend to achieve more with ease, than those times when you're operating from a fixed mindset and the belief your talent is purely innate.
Having a fixed mindset is limiting and living up to the perfectionist standards is exhausting. And the dreadful shame voice is part of the package, leaving you feeling hurt and defensive. You often quit if you're not naturally talented and great at something right away and receiving feedback is often painful and taken personally. You may feel and see it as a direct attack on your self-worth. When you receive feedback, you may make it mean to you - "I'm a bad person, I'm awful, I'm shitty." Sometimes when you hear the question, “can I give you feedback?” or perhaps you're bracing yourself for feedback you know is coming, your mind wanders to worse-case scenario. The lack of certainty in knowing what someone might say to you, leaves room for assumptions of the worst place the conversation could go.
When receiving feedback / constructive criticism having a growth mindset is vital in providing value and igniting motivation in your life rather than hurt, defensiveness and pain.
Steps To Receiving Feedback in a Healthy Way
Be forward and direct when asking for feedback. "I would value your feedback on my progress last month."
Make the conscious choice to step in with a growth mindset and remain open.
Notice in detail, whats going on for you - mentally, emotionally, behaviourally.
Ask yourself - hold space for and remain curious - "Do I want to run? become defensive? Am I beginning to shut down?" (these are signs you are heading into activation and outside of your window of tolerance).
Ask yourself - hold space for and remain curious - "Where do I feel the activation inside my body?" "What's going on for me?"
Ask yourself - hold space for and remain curious - "What thoughts are spiralling?" "Am I experiencing any cognitive distortions?" "Is shame here?"
Take a deep breath. Ground yourself [perhaps - trace a shape on your thumb nail with your pointer finger] Take another deep breath.
Ask for clarification when you need it.
Remind yourself to remain open and that you hold power in what you attach your truth to or what you let go of in your reality.
Remind yourself that it's not easy hearing personal feedback and it makes sense why you're uncomfortable, want to run and are in pain.
Let go of any personal meaning you're attaching to what's being said. Again, you are a human being not perfect being. Making mistakes and having room for improvement doesn't mean you're failing.
Acknowledge the value in the conversation, thank them for their feedback and respond - showing them you've heard them and you're going to process their opinion and gain and grow from this experience. Whether you gain from accepting their feedback or letting it go, by consciously navigating the receiving feedback process, you're always in a position to learn more about yourself, your world - & gain and grow.
Take this feedback as an opportunity to do more internal exploration.
Remind yourself getting feedback does not mean you're failing, you're a bad person or that you should quit. It means you're unlocking one more door to understanding your physical existence - giving you the power to create your reality.
It's normal to be impacted by feedback. You hold power in how you support yourself during the process